To Love Forever
by foreverme98
Summary: Bella became a vampire and she lived a magical life with Edward until things changed and the person she thought she loved, didn't love her anymore. AU. Not Breaking Dawn compliant.
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue_

It's funny that, though I am no longer human, I still have mundane human affairs to deal with. As I fold my clothes into my suitcase, I can't help but feel like if anyone were to see and know my true story, they would laugh at the absurdity of it all. Me, a vegetarian vampire, folding clothes into a suitcase as if I were a normal being, going about my normal day. And the funny thing is that I am not normal and nothing about the last 50 years would be thought of as typical.

The past 5 decades could only be described as magical.

But then time caught up to me...

Things changed.

Then pain became my new best friend.

No one could have predicted it, not even Alice it would seem, and I now have the rest of my unfortunately long life to deal with the hurt.

It's hard for me to maintain relatively still when I hear him enter what used to be our home. Still I can't stop my hands from clenching the rim of the suitcase too tight. I feel more than hear the small rip, but it doesn't register into my head that it even matters. What used to matter was the clean smell that used to permeate the air whenever he would walk into a room. His curly hair and the way it shone in the sun used to matter.

The things that used to matter now mean nothing because he destroyed what we had for something that couldn't possibly be better.

 **She** couldn't possibly be better.

"How is it coming?" he asked once he reached the door.

He has the sense to stay out of the room, for which I greatly appreciate. I can't stand the thought of being too close. Not now.

"I'm almost finished."

"Is that all you plan on taking?"

I glance down to stare at the rather small suitcase I picked to carry what little possessions I still desired to have. Most of my things were somehow connected to him. "I don't need a lot," I reply. "You can decide what to do for the rest."

I don't need to look at him to know that he's running his hand through his hair. It's something he's always done when he feels unsure about something. At this point I know him more than I know myself, though I haven't truly known who I am for quite some time.

"I can box all of it up for you," he shrugs, "...send it to you when you find somewhere to settle."

"No." I say it too harshly, but it snaps out of my mouth before I can think better of it. "I don't want any of it, Edward. Burn it, give it to her, I don't care."

"Bella..."

For a second I can hear the old Edward- the loving Edward who actually cared, but when I turn my head to look at him all I can see is the person he has become.

I quickly zip my bag up and start moving towards the door.

"I _am_ sorry." If I were human I would have missed those three little words. All I really want at this point is to be human, but that ship sailed a long time ago.

"That isn't good enough," I inform him, leaving the house in a blink of an eye, but still somehow too slow for my liking. Climbing into the front seat, I do my best not to look straight ahead at the house that used to be home. And I try not to notice the familiar figure staring out at me from the bedroom window.

Needless to say...I fail.

* * *

The constant anxiety won't go away. It feels like it's feeding on my flesh and there's nothing I can do to stop it. After having spent half a decade with the love of my life, and for that love to just vanish as if it had never existed...burned me up from the inside. The unforgiving pull of emotions range all over the place- to anger over what he had done, fear that I would never have him in my life again, and guilt in that maybe I could have done something different to have prevented the entire mess.

But then I force myself to become immersed in anger again because I had done nothing to deserve the hurt that he put me through and I'm too strong to cave like a little lost girl. I'm not who I once was, which I can only see as progress. However, no matter how hard I try, the knots in my stomach won't go away and the burning sensation behind my eyes refuses to leave me be.

God it hurts! All I can think of is running across the entire damn world if it would help me leave the pain behind. I don't want it anymore.

I **can't stand** it anymore.

Deep down, even though I hate it, I still want to be with him. I still crave his infectious smile and his arms that used to hold me for no reason at all other than the fact that he loved me.

But he put me through hell. And I'm doing everything I can to scrape and claw my way out, but I'm stuck. I laugh through the haze of smoky fog clogging my brain, put the freakin' car in park, and step out onto the rundown road. The sun is setting, there's no one around for miles...standing there I stare out at the horizon and just pray for some modicum of peace because I'm empty. This hard, cold body is more of a shell than anything at this point.

I sense someone before I have physical prove of their existence. A dark musk perfumes the air, clouding my senses. While it must be one of the best smells I've ever encountered, it hints at danger, immediately putting me on my guard. I turn full circle, searching the immediate area with the eyes of a hawk. The feeling escalates as the seconds tick by and I know there's someone watching me, but I still can't see anything other than the deserted landscape. Dust swirls in the wind and the high whistle of it echoes in my head.

"And who might I ask, are you?" a deep voice asks. The voice comes out of no where, startling me so bad that venom pools in my mouth by the time he's midway through the question. He's to my right, somewhere between me and an old, abandoned gas station. I can hear his quiet footsteps close the distance between us, but I can't see him, which I find more than a little disconcerting.

"Show yourself," I demand.

All I get is an amused laugh for my efforts. Nevertheless, a blurry figure appears before my eyes seconds later. Gradually he becomes clearer, allowing me to see exactly who I'm dealing with. One of the tallest beings I've ever seen comes into focus, along with shaggy brown hair, a hint of facial hair to match, and stark read eyes. "My name is Shane," he introduces himself, smiling in a particular way that leaves my stomach feeling strangely unsettled. "You still haven't told me who you are."

"Why couldn't I see you before?"

His smile grows at the question, not seeming at all put out by the fact that I keep evading his own question. "I would be happy to answer any questions you might have for me, but I believe you still owe me your name."

"Bella Swan." I tell him after a moment, realizing that I really have no reason to lie and at the moment he doesn't seem to pose any sort of threat.

"Pretty name," he comments. "It's nice to meet you. I haven't come across anyone in quite some time actually. You're a sight for sore eyes." I frown when he ends his little speech with a wink. "As for why you couldn't see me," he carries on, "well, let's say it's a gift that I had after I turned."

"You can make yourself invisible?" I hadn't ever met anyone with a gift like that. Most vampires I knew that had gifts were gifts of the mind, not the body.

"Yeah, not the most impressive gift, I know," he admits with a shrug, as if he was used to that kind of reaction. "But it is fun getting to mess with people, I will say, and a little mischief keeps life interesting."

 _Again with the wink_ , I think to myself. "I suppose." I have no reason to linger, so I nod in his general direction as I take the last couple of steps to my car and open the door to step inside, ready to leave this place behind.

"Woah," he says, moving as if to follow. "What's your hurry?"

The question makes me instantly suspicious. Why would he care if I leave or stay? Judging by his clothes and lack of belongings, he's a nomad. One of those vampires that Jasper used to tell me about- the kind that went from place to place, searching for food and anonymity. "No reason to stay," I retort defensively.

In an unexpected move, he rubs the back of his head before placing both large hands in his jean pockets. "Well," he drawls out. "Perhaps you could come check out my place."

He doesn't look at me while he throws his offer out, but for some reason I feel like it's more out of nervousness than anything else. Loneliness seems to hover over him like a storm cloud. My suspicion dissipates in the air and I take a deep, unnecessary breath, which quickly draws his attention. He eyes me like he doesn't quite understand what he sees. "You're not like the others," he observes curiously.

"Not surprising," I say more to myself than him. I wasn't like the others when I was human and now I'm not like most other vampires. It would seem that it's my lot in life to be different than everyone else no matter what species I happen to be.

"You do well with acting like a human." I can tell this surprises him. "And your eyes..." he trails off.

"I don't drink human blood." I leave it at that, not really wanting to get into why I started that particular habit because the memories are still too painful to dwell on.

Shock bleeds into his red irises while he whistles softly under his breath. "Well isn't that something. I've never met a vampire that didn't eat humans."

"Now you have," I say a little irritably, tired of feeling like I have to explain myself.

He chuckles at that. "I live about 5 miles west of here. Like I said, I haven't had the pleasure of anyone's company in some time and would love to hear more of your story. I know you don't know me from Adam but I promise I won't bite."

His sharp teeth gleam in the last bit of light that is clinging to the sky. His jest puts me at ease and I find that I am a little curious about him as well. I have no where to go and a distraction would be nice. My debate comes to an end when he steps back, giving me more room to think.

"Get in," I say, hoping I'm not somehow making a mistake.

Grinning like a school boy, he takes a seat in the passengers seat and I get myself situated in the drivers side. _Really hope I'm not making a mistake_ , I worry to myself as I turn the key into the ignition, the engine flaring to life and drowning out the pinprick of doubt.


	2. Chapter 2

Instead of the woods I've grown so used to, I find myself surrounded by open, barren land. There isn't a tree in sight and not much greenery either. The thing that catches my eye first though is the massive wood house that sits in the middle of the emptiness. Windows cover the entire front of the house and there's a wraparound porch that is so big, I feel like the porch itself could be a house all on its own. It's 3 stories high and extremely rustic looking. Pretty red and purple flowers line the front of the structure and somehow it feels like home. It's so homey and comforting in a way that soothes my soul. It makes me feel better in a way that gives me hope that maybe the rest of my existence doesn't have to be miserable.

"Not too shabby, right?"

"This is your house?" I ask stupidly.

He hops up the steps in a couple of strides, gesturing for me to follow. "Yeah, I bought it about 50 years ago. Before that, I'd been travelling the world, seeing what it had to offer, you know?"

Strange. 50 years ago is when I transitioned from a human to a vampire. "How old are you?" I ask.

He spares me a glance as he turns the black doorknob, letting us in. "I was 22 when I became, well, a vampire. That was 100 years ago."

Not caring that I was being nosy, I decided to continue on with my line of questioning. "How did you become what you are?"

"Funny story," he laughs humorlessly. "I was pretty much in the wrong place at the wrong time honestly. I was a farmer, tending my crops when it happened. I remember it had been raining buckets all spring. My thoughts at the time had been consumed with how I was going to save the crop when out of no where this big, bulking guy came at me from the side. His teeth were in my neck before I could scream for help."

"He didn't suck you dry?"

Grinning, he shakes his head. "Obviously not. I don't know why...when I woke up all I knew was pain. In a blink of an eye my life had changed forever."

Thinking over his story, I realize that he had led me into the spacious living room. Dark wood floors spanned out in front of us. Leather couches filled the space by one of the large windows that was situated directly in front of a huge fireplace. The TV mounted over the fireplace surprised me, but I didn't comment on it. "Your home is beautiful," I tell him, wandering past the room to find what looked to be the kitchen. Unlike the living room, the kitchen was completely empty. While it was just as beautiful with the wood floors and dark lighting fixtures, it was obvious that the space didn't hold any purpose for him.

"Thank you," he replies with a prideful gleam in his eye. "I lived without a home for so long, and maybe I don't need a house like I used to, but it still means something to me."

I'm not really sure how to respond to that. Every vampire I knew had a house out of necessity, in order to avoid unwanted attention. Not one (that I knew of) had one because they were attached to the idea. "It's nice that you still try to live a normal life," is all I can come up with.

His laughter echoes off of the walls as he looks down at me, amused. "You probably think I'm crazy. A vampire trying to be a human; pretty strange I guess."

"I just find it interesting," I murmur, hoping that I haven't offended him. "When I found out that vampires existed, I spent the rest of that time wishing I wasn't human."

Interest sparks to life in his eyes. Nodding in the direction of the living room, he says, "Let's take a seat. You can fill me in on everything Bella Swan."

For a reason I can't really explain, I want to tell him everything. I barely know him and yet his easygoing gentleness eases the pain that's been gripping my heart for the past couple of months. As desperate as I am to get rid of it, I can't find it in myself to keep quiet. "I moved to Forks when I was 17 to live with my dad after my mom remarried. I wasn't sure about moving but I did it to make life easier for her. It wasn't so bad getting to spend time with dad. Shortly after I moved, I met Edward. His perfect, marble skin and golden eyes...

I didn't stand a chance. He was beautiful and I fell in love instantly. The crazy part was that he fell in love with me too."

"A vampire and a human," he muses. "Now there's an interesting thought. What happened?"

"A lot happened. After some time had passed he turned me, finally giving me what I had wanted from the beginning. I became a vampire and we've been together for 50 years," I end with in a whisper.

"Not to be rude but why isn't he with you? I noticed the traveling bag in your car," he finishes, hesitant.

His harsh red eyes are strangely sympathetic and if my tear ducts still worked, I imagine I'd be crying by now. "We were happy. Extremely happy. Life had never felt more right to me than when I was with him. He was like everything I wanted but didn't know I wanted until I got to know him." Feeling more cold than ever, I put my head in my waiting hands. "But something happened. Somewhere in the last 50 years, he changed."

"So you left," he states as if he already knows the whole entire story.

"Not at first. I tried to fix things, close the distance between us. Unfortunately, he _wanted_ distance, space...I knew there wasn't anything I could do when he said he'd found someone else."

"Oh."

"Yeah," I chuckle dryly. "I didn't believe him at first. The very thought of him finding someone else was ludicrous to me."

"What made you finally believe?"

My body tenses. "He brought her to our house. I could smell them, together." I had just gone out to hunt; something Edward and I usually would do together, but he'd said no. When I came back the smell of sex had overwhelmed the entire house and her moans and cries of pleasure could be heard from a mile away. "I just wish I knew why he did it."

"Love is a funny thing," he says after several beats of silence. "It's can be stronger than we are, yet as flighty as the wind."

I had seen plenty of relationships fail over time. Hell, my own parents couldn't make it past my 3rd birthday, but they were human-infallible, weak...Edward and I were supposed to be more. Vampire relationships were so different from a humans, and yet, we fell just like everyone else. "I'm not sure why I told you all of this," I mumble, a tad embarrassed.

Eyeing me, he scoots to sit on the edge of the couch. "You're hurting right now. It's natural to try and make sense of things with a total stranger. I do it all the time."

I appreciate his attempt at humor. It somehow makes this entire situation seem less awkward. Though, now that I've poured out my heart to him, I can't think of anything else to say. Should I leave now? He didn't offer the use of his house long-term. Not that he seems in any hurry to usher me out, I notice as he strides casually towards the entertainment center, opening one of the cabinets up to reveal a modern looking record player.

"Do you like music?" he asks me, sifting through a few records.

I'm instantly taken back in time to when a vampire brought me to his house to meet his family and made me dance with him in his room. That was a lifetime ago and the girl who stepped on his indestructible feet that day hasn't existed for some time. "Nothing by Debussy please," I find myself saying on instinct.

His nose scrunches up at that. "Hmm, definitely not my taste. I'm more of an AC/DC fan myself." Back in Black booms from the stereo system and his smile is instantaneous with the music. "There's also nothing like Bohemian Rhapsody, you know? The utter despair in Freddie's voice when he sings it sends chills down my spine."

Not sure what to say to that, I say nothing. Again I sit there, watching him in awkward silence, wondering if it's time for me to leave. I'm still overthinking the situation when he says, "Every emotion you feel plays across your face. It's like watching a movie, makes me feel like I'm in your head with you."

"Funny, I've been told that I seem very emotion _less_ from more than one person," I comment, feeling unsettled by the intensity of his stare.

Shrugging, he looks away. "I'm usually good at reading people. Some are easier than others, but I think you may be one of the easiest I've ever encountered. Your eyes are very expressive."

Silence.

"So I've been thinking," he starts abruptly. "Since you have no where to go, no destination in mind...why don't you bunk with me for a bit? Just until you get your bearings."

Nervous energy comes off of him in waves, but like before I sense that he's more lonely than anything. He lives in the middle of nowhere and from what I can tell he doesn't have any family or a coven to call his own. In any other circumstance, I would say no without giving it much thought but things are different now and going off around the world by myself doesn't exactly excite me. I would like some company, which is unlike me, or at least unlike the old me. However, I like Shane well enough, he interests me. The answer is pretty easy in my opinion. "I can stay for awhile," I say, trying for a friendly grin but I'm pretty sure it resembles more of a pained grimace.

It's enough for him anyway because he smiles like I've just given him a priceless gift. "Great! I can't tell you how glad I am to have come across you back there."

I don't respond but to my surprise, I'm glad as well.

* * *

Days fly by at Shane's haven of a house. Each day I learn something new about him; each and every new detail truly more fascinating than the last. The first day after he asked me to stay, I came back from hunting to find him planting flowers in a small flower bed in front of the house and not only was he doing it to begin with, he was going at a normal human speed. I swear if I didn't have prove of his crimson eyes, I would think he wasn't a vampire at all.

"Why do you stay out here all by yourself," I question him one day while I watch him repair a part of the roof.

Not bothering to look in my direction he cocks his head to the side, studying his handiwork. "I don't really fit into either worlds these days. I was a farmer; my land was my world...then it was taken away by some bloodthirsty bastard. I can't go back and I can't be what I was forced to be."

I think before I open my mouth but the thought has been bubbling in my brain for days now. "Why do you choose to kill humans if you wish to be one so badly?"

His eyebrows raise themselves at me. "Not pulling any punches are you?"

Shifting nervously on my feet, I shrug. "Just curious."

"A persons got to survive I suppose," he says, a hint of shame coloring his words.

I don't like the discomfort in his usually cheerful voice so I decide to change the subject. "Did you ever encounter any other vampires during your time traveling?"

Relief flashes across his face. "A few, but not too many. I kept to myself and didn't invite company for the longest time. For the first few decades I trusted no one, especially vampires. Everything about them was unnatural to me. Their strength, gifts..." he gives me a look from out of the corner of his eye. "I didn't trust them, or myself. What I've learned about the species comes from my own personal experience."

"Must have been hard."

"It's had its moments," he replies. "Done the best that I could, honestly."

So have I, but my best has been sorely lacking apparently. I threw my human life away like trash and Edward threw me away like trash...It would almost be funny if I wasn't the one having to deal with the aftermath. "So," he say, breaking through my thoughts. "Do you have any gifts?"

"Interesting that you've waited so long to ask," I tease lightly, mentally preparing myself for the conversation ahead.

His eyes twinkle back at me as he laughs. "Well, Ms. Swan?"

"I'm a 'shield'. My mind protects me from a lot of other gifts, like mind control. I can even extend it to protect others around me."

"Impressive," he says. I find that I'm happy he thinks my gift is worth being impressed over, though I can't pinpoint why it matters for the life of me.

"I've enjoyed getting to know you, you know."

He adds that part softly, and there's an emotion in his eyes that makes my stomach knot uncomfortably. There's interest in his stare and gentle curiosity but beyond that, there's attraction and a hint of lust. While it's not the worst thing in the world for him to find me attractive, _it is_ the worst thing that I find him just as attractive (if not more so). I blame it on the fact that I'm hurting and I'm seeking any possible distraction from the pain that Edward's cheating left me with. A part of me wonders if that's true or not, however, I'm not really ready to analyze my feelings so I push it all away into the back recesses of my mind.

"Indeed," I murmur, making a quick retreat for the house, hoping he doesn't notice my awkward behavior.


End file.
